Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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