The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I will die if light touches me.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
