He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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