Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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