I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
last night I used snow as a chaser
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
