I wannas sexs uuuuu
Jerry, you need to find god
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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