Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
