you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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