I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
