You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
