Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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