I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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