Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
