Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize