Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
