why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
