Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
