I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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