pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
