So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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