Whod you bang
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
