Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
