bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wish you could order shots online.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
