i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
