oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
