k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
