mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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