Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
