i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
