if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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