They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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