That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
