someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
