i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
