apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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