Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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