I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dick very happy bro
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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