drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
