I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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