no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
