i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Let's paint friendship bongs
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
