We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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