We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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