You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
