morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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