I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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