and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
