someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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