you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
