woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
