I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
