My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
