You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
