I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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