She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
