can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
