They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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