I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
