she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
that is very illegal...i love you.
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