I think I died a long time ago.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
