great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
