none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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