i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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